You probably don’t want to think about your parents getting older, so like many people, you’ve likely put off addressing their growing needs. After all, mom and dad are fine today, so why worry? Until the day they’re not fine. And when “not fine” arrives, it often comes without warning.
If you’re an elder Millennial, Gen-Xer, or late boomer, there’s a good chance you’re already feeling the squeeze. Supporting kids who aren’t fully independent yet, while quietly keeping an eye on mom and dad, you might be part of the “Sandwich Generation.” You’re far from alone. Nearly half of adults between 40 and 59 find themselves managing the needs — especially financial — of three generations at once.¹
We understand talking about money is hard. In fact, fewer than 2 out of 5 adult children have had a real conversation about their parents’ finances in the past year.² Families who do have these important conversations consistently report feeling some relief for having had the discussion. The goal in this blog is not to alarm but rather to educate and encourage you to start the conversation with your loved ones.
But it’s your parents who may present as an increasingly large variable to your fiscal equation. Sixty-nine percent of people say caring for aging parents is putting real strain on their finances.² And the issue is magnifying. According to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, nearly 3 out of every 4 Americans over 65 will need some form of long-term care during their lifetime.³
Where to begin?
Putting a plan in place may help families navigate this difficult time. Begin by asking yourself the following questions:
- Do I know the exact locations of my parents’ documents, including their wills, birth certificates, Social Security cards, healthcare directives, powers of attorney, trusts, and lists of medical, financial, and legal professionals?
- Do they have a current will, a durable power of attorney, or a healthcare directive?
- Do I know where they bank and how accounts are titled?
- Do I have a sense of their current cash flow, sources of income, debt obligations, and ability to tap into their investment portfolio for their future needs?
- Do they have a team of professionals, like a doctor, financial planner, accountant, and estate attorney? Do I know them, and are they authorized to speak to me on my parents’ behalf?
The signs that your parents may need help
Slowly, you might begin observing small things: a bruise without a clear explanation, bills piling up, the same story told twice in one visit. The early markers of decline are rarely dramatic. The same clothing worn multiple visits in a row. Balance that seems a little off. Food in the refrigerator that’s been there too long. According to Certified Aging Life Care Manager and owner of The Option Group, Ellen S. Platt, MEd, CRC, CCM, these red flags appear well before a crisis and can be early indicators of more significant changes ahead.
One of the most common questions we see is: “Do we take away the car keys?” People often resist change, and asking them to stop driving — what can seem like a sacrifice of their independence — can be met with frustration or even denial.
The problem isn’t that families don’t care. It’s that they wait. More than half of caregivers say they didn’t recognize the signs until a crisis forced the issue, such as a fall, a hospitalization, a car accident, or a midnight call.⁴ By then, options narrow.
The role of a caregiver
The average family caregiver – more than half of whom are women – spends 3-5 hours a day on caregiving: appointments, medications, finances, and transportation.⁵̛ ⁶ That’s the equivalent of a part-time job, without pay. And women are five times more likely than men to leave the workforce due to a caregiving situation.⁷ The lifetime financial toll approaches a staggering half million dollars in lost wages, pension contributions, retirement savings, and Social Security benefits, according to MetLife and the National Alliance for Caregiving (2026).⁸
Within families, the load rarely distributes evenly among siblings. Despite good intentions, one adult child typically absorbs the majority of the responsibility, while the others contribute when convenient. While one says, “Call me whenever you need me,” from three states away and means it, the other is sending money and managing every appointment, every medication, and every late-night or emergency phone call. Left unaddressed, this imbalance is one of the leading drivers of family estrangement, often surfacing after a parent passes. The conversation about roles and responsibilities needs to happen before the crisis, not inside it.
The Obstinate Parent
Some of the hardest situations aren’t when a parent is visibly struggling. They’re when a parent is calm, confident, and certain they have it handled. However, the evidence says otherwise.
They say things like, “I’ve already looked into it,” or “I talked to someone. I don’t need you to figure this out.” It feels less like opposition and more like a boundary. The information they’ve gathered, while real, might be incomplete. One article, one friend’s experience, a memory of what their own parents experienced decades ago, may confirm a preexisting bias. Meanwhile, you’re trying to fill gaps held by someone who thinks there are none.
Here’s the contradiction: Your parent, in the same breath, says, “I don’t want to be a burden” and “I already have it handled.” The resistance to accepting help is often an attempt to avoid burdening you, which means the resistance itself creates the very burden they’re trying to avoid. As things deteriorate, you can quietly see what’s coming: an impending crisis that you’ll be fixing anyway.
While direct confrontation rarely succeeds, questions that open doors for doubt may work better. Sometimes, that parent can hear what a financial planner, care manager, or elder law attorney says in one meeting that their adult child has been saying for years. The only difference? That same information is coming from someone who’s not you.
What is a Continuing Care Retirement Community (CCRC)?
A Continuing Care Retirement Community, or CCRC, offers the full continuum of care on one campus — independent living through skilled nursing — so a parent moves once, and the care follows them. But access to care and cost certainty are not the same thing; the contract determines everything.
Average entrance fees have surpassed $480,000 nationally and risen 22% over five years.⁹ Monthly fees can run $3,500 to $4,300 or more at the independent living level.¹⁰ Some run as high as $10,000 per month in high-cost-of-living areas. A Type A contract locks in costs regardless of care needs (most predictable, highest upfront). A Type C contract costs less to enter but shifts financial risk to exactly the moment it’s hardest to absorb. Type B is a rare hybrid, often layered with unique and specific qualifications.
Many communities have waitlists. For some families, joining a waitlist while a parent is healthy may provide additional options should care be needed later. Talk to your financial and tax advisors to see which option may be right for you, and if a portion of CCRC fees may be tax-deductible as prepaid medical expenses. According to Platt, “Visit more than one, and visit more than once.”
How to navigate caring for an aging parent who is strapped for cash?
What do you do when your parents can’t afford steep entrance fees at retirement communities? They’re living on a small pension and Social Security benefits. What if they have multiple extended hospital stays that crest hundreds of thousands of dollars in medical bills, but they sold their house and have been carrying short-term debt? An increasing number of seniors find themselves in the financial “no man’s land”: nowhere close to a comfortable cushion of income and assets, yet not so little that they’d qualify for Medicaid.
Some people intentionally try to qualify for Medicaid-funded care. But Medicaid-funded nursing home care can be extremely limiting with complex eligibility rules, and a qualification process that can be emotionally draining and takes much longer than most families expect.
Without a plan, the default becomes informal and unmeasured financial support from adult children. It’s quiet, gradual, and capable of derailing their own retirement if left unexamined. There’s a critical difference between supporting a parent and becoming financially responsible for one. Even when assets are minimal, planning around healthcare directives (including funeral wishes), a power of attorney, and benefits eligibility still matters. None of these require wealth, and all of them matter enormously when a health event happens.
The Gift of Time
Some of what surfaces in these conversations may not resolve neatly. In fact, it may highlight shortfalls or even mistakes. The money may not be there. Siblings may never contribute equally. A parent may never fully welcome the help. These are real outcomes. But the crux of this message is that when someone steps up – and someone always does – they’re not doing it alone, without a plan, at the expense of their own future. Many families find that having these conversations early, often and with a willingness to compromise may make future decisions easier.
Several weeks ago, we hosted a webinar, “Evaluating Continuing Care Retirement Communities,” alongside Ellen S. Platt, MEd, CRC, CCM, to discuss the red flags, care options, contract structures, and the financial planning that ties it all together. The recording is available here. If you have questions specific to your situation, please reach out to us here at Greenspring. We are glad to be a resource to you and your family as you navigate your financial future.
Sources:
1 – Pew Research Center — Caring for Both a Parent and a Child: The “Sandwich Generation” pewresearch.org
2 – Finance of America / HarrisX Survey, December 2025 businesswire.com/news/home/20251216970903
3 – U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, via RetirementLiving.com longtermcare.acl.gov
4 – AARP — Caregiving in the United States aarp.org
5 – Caregiver Action Network, citing Radiological Society of North America, 2023 caregiveraction.org/caregiver-statistics
6 – National Alliance for Caregiving and AARP — Caregiving in the U.S. caregiveraction.org/caregiver-statistics
7 – Guardian Life Insurance — 14th Annual Workplace Benefits Study, 2025 guardianlife.com/reports/caregiving-in-america
8 – MetLife Mature Market Group, National Alliance for Caregiving, and University of Pittsburgh Institute on Aging — The MetLife Study of Working Caregivers and Employer Health Costs, 2010 caregiver.org/resource/caregiver-statistics-work-and-caregiving
9 – National Investment Center for Seniors Housing & Care (NIC) — CCRC Performance 3Q 2025: Five-Year Trends in CCRC Entrance Fees nic.org/blog/ccrc-performance-3q-2025-five-year-trends-in-ccrc-entrance-fees
10 – National Investment Center for Seniors Housing & Care (NIC), via U.S. News & World Report and WherYouLiveMatters.org, end of 2024 data nic.org / health.usnews.com / whereyoulivematters.org
